Lights. Camera. Action.
It’s dark. There is an isolated sound of white noise and the slow, light huff of breath. Suddenly, a spotlight shines on a soapy mop bucket center stage. From the surrounding darkness emerges a hero—a woman returned from the rush of Ohio. Beside the mop bucket lies a light grey polo marked Janitorial and a set of keys that would allow her access to any building she’d need to get into. She reaches out for the mop handle, but it’s too far for her to reach. She struggles to grasp the plastic handle, but it’s to no avail as the mop is now further and further away from her.
Hi guys. It’s been a hot minute, and I’d like to take a second right now just to apologize for that and explain my absence briefly here.
So this semester has been a bit stressy for me. I’m having a lot of fun and God is moving in my heart in amazing ways, yet I’ve had my busy days…I’d call them busy weeks for more accuracy. I’ve been interning at H2O this semester, and my course-load is a bit stressy, so I haven’t found many opportunities to write to you all. I love you Quirky Christian’s out there !! Like for real my dudes, I couldn’t imagine my life without this lil blog thing and the support of you all.
If you follow QC on Instagram, you know my short hiatus was not intentional, and that my posts will most likely be biweekly and or sporadic in the least. Hopefully, this isn’t heartbreaking, and you’ll still follow along on the Quirky and beautiful things that God is doing in Kent, Ohio in the life of a quirky lil twenty-year-old and her pals.
To get right into things . . . I need to be honest. If you’ve been a follower of QC since I started this lil bloggo, you might’ve recognized that intro and the title. Here’s the thing.
Okay, so sorry about the size of the words but I’m thinking about going back to Colorado to be a janitor again and do LT again, but i don’t really know and i’m still deciding, so i decided to write a blog post about it because that seems to be the trend when i need to figure out my life and what God wants me to do. the words are really small because I don’t wanna say it too loud in case i convince myself to go before I’ve had any chance to pray + fast about the ordeal.
WELL! Now that I’ve got that off my chest—I want to talk about my new Nineveh. So way back when—I’m like 99% sure it was the first post that I made here on QC, I wrote about my journey to Colorado and my life as a Janitor at the amazing YMCA of the Rockies. If you need a back story, check out the post here for more context.
In short, I loved it out there, and it was probably some of the best moments of my life so far. In the past two months, I had pretty much decided that it would just be that for the time being. I figured if I went back, it wouldn’t be until the Summer before my Senior year, but this last week—I don’t even know how to explain it—I feel it tugging on my heart to go back.
I don’t know what it is, but I have these dreams of being out there, and I’m kicking it, I’m growing deeper in my faith, I’m learning more, I’m laughing—I’m just having a good time. And sometimes, when I wake up, I’ll have this fleeting thought of LT like LT was so fun.
And it was. It was where I found myself again, where I figured out what it meant to be radically LOVED by God and to love myself and others with that same grace [and peace]. It was a remarkable experience.
I don’t know why there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to go. I mean, I know, but like I don’t know why it matters so much to me now when two months ago, h*ck, two weeks ago it didn’t nag my interests even a bit.
But right now, I just have this overwhelming desire to go. But that feeling is accompanied by my desire to be in Kent for a Summer.
There’s no wrong choice here, and after talking with a few people, I know that whatever I choose to do, wherever I chose to be, God is still going to move. I just have to step in with faith and expectancy that God will do [captial G] Good things.
I’ve deemed the YMCA of the Rockies or LT or Janitorial the return to Nineveh—that is if I decide to go.
With Nineveh, there is always a fear of some sort that holds us back from going—from ripping off the bandaid and just going for it. There are a lot of things holding me back from going—most of them shouldn’t even be considered, but fear is always irrational in hindsight.
And hindsight is always 20/20.
I think my biggest fear about going is just the difference; things will not be the same as they were last time—there will be different people and I think that’s what’ll hit me the most if I decide to go back.
I have a creeping feeling that I’m just afraid of the truth and that God actually is calling me to go out there again, and I’m not listening to that because I’m afraid of the changes. I thought I was over my fear of change, I thought I’d embraced it and decided to go with the times and let it be.
I want to be obedient. I’m praying for a spirit of discernment in this. I don’t want my decision to be influenced by fear.
And if LT is a Nineveh, then doesn’t that mean I have to go?
There are so many unanswered questions.
Chapter two of the book of Jonah is a prayer that Jonah prays while he’s in the belly of a whale. Last summer, I prayed this prayer a lot in reflection of the things God was doing in my heart and to my character. It’s not long so I’ve decided to include it here.
“In my distress, I called to the Lord,
and he answered me.
From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help,
and you listened to my cry.
You hurled me into the depths,
into the very heart of the seas,
and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers
swept over me.
I said, ‘I have been banished
from your sight;
yet I will look again
toward your holy temple.’
The engulfing waters threatened me,
the deep surrounded me;
seaweed was wrapped around my head.
To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you, Lord my God,
brought my life up from the pit.
When my life was ebbing away,
I remembered you, Lord,
and my prayer rose to you,
to your holy temple.
Those who cling to worthless idols
turn away from God’s love for them.
But I, with shouts of grateful praise,
will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good.
I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the Lord.’”
It’s a beautiful prayer, I think, and a gentle reminder that God will do Good things despite our humanity and human nature. I’m excited to pray about this a bit more and figure out what it is that God’s got in store for me. No matter what—He’ll work it out.
To ColoraDO or ColoraDON’T is the question.
No matter what though, I’m praying about this decision, and it won’t be one made lightly. I want my heart to be in the right place if I decide to go. I won’t let this be a decision made on the fly—something that I’m great at despite my indecisive nature.
One thing is for sure—God does great things in Colorado, and He does great things in Ohio. LT will be different if I go again. It’ll be new people, new sermons, new songs, new mountains to climb, new summits to conquer.
But the same toilets to clean, the same floors to mop, the same seat in truck number five because the Janitorial Department probs was not granted their request for a new one. The same mini-fridges and tall fans to deliver and pick up. The same hours.
I want to ask you, pals, out there to join me in prayer this upcoming week as I most likely fast a day and pray about what God’s wanting me to do with all of these things.
It’ll be Hard, but as I learned last Summer…Hard things are often Good things, and sometimes they’re the best things to happen to us.
It’s been rad. I’ll talk to you again soon. Hopefully, the next time we talk I’ll have all of this realized.
Until then, stay quirky, and do some smiling.
Grace and Peace.
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