For When You Can’t Find the Value of Singleness


It’s two in the morning and we’ve just spent the last three hours of our Thursday night serving the bar-goers of downtown Kent pancakes with H2O’s Thirsty Thursday Outreach. The two of us are groggy and tired, the weight of the week holding us to the soft seats of Cassie’s car. It’s here where Cassie Troyer and I got into a conversation about the people in our lives, their relationships, and the relationships that both of us have endured.

Then Cassie tells me something that at first thought, was kind of weird. She says that she feels like God is calling her to a season of singleness.

What does that even mean?

I thought it was weird at first, but after some thought, I found that I actually can really appreciate and admire the step that my friend is taking in her life right now. During the week, I got the chance to talk with Cassie more about what she’s walking through with God right now, and I think that it’s worth sharing with my readers here on Quirky Christianity. So what does it mean to be called to singleness? For Cass, it meant denying a relationship that could potentially be unglorifying to God in order to fully understand what it meant to be a daughter of the King.

In a world such as the one we all get to live in, there’s a kind of pressure almost to be with someone. I remember telling Cass that night in her car that I hated how being with a guy was a priority in my life and how it was a priority in the lives of so many people I knew. I hated how it was so easy to become obsessed with the idea of being with another person.

It’s not that I’m against the idea of people being in love, it’s not that I’ve grown apathetic to the possibility that I could be in love someday, or that as something God could have in the cards for me eventually. It’s more, and Cassie feels the same way, that we don’t want a relationship to get in the way of the most important relationship in our lives—the one we have with God.

And for Cassie, that means being single for a while. Cass recognizes that God wants her to be with someone who wants the same things she does, as well as values the same things she does. She told it to me like this, “run toward Jesus as fast you can, and if someone can keep up, go and introduce yourself.” It’s not that she’s written off men, it’s that she’s written on herself and her relationship with her Father.

Cassie feels like in the past, she hasn’t given God the control of her relationships, and as an enneagram type eight, she struggles with surrender (the denying of having control), so she feels as though a season of singleness is what God is calling her to walk through.

On a superficial level, it can be perceived easy what she is doing, however, the gravity of singleness is a lot. A season of singleness means accepting that you’re going to be alone for a little bit. It means that sometimes, you will get lonely, you will feel excluded, and that you will have to do some things alone. So I asked her if it was worth it, and she said, “yes because I’m getting more in the end.” And she knows that when she is ready for a relationship, they will both be thankful for the choices she’s making now.

Reader, I don’t know if you’re in the same boat as my sweet friend, Cassie. I don’t know if you’ve been alone for a while and just need reminding of silver linings and opportunities. This is for when you feel a call to singleness, or for when you need reminding of the perks of this season.

[a reminder that being single is not a total implication that you are being called to singleness, such as Cassie is, rather it could just mean that you are single right now. The following are reminders of how you can be taking advantage of the season you’re in, whether that is singleness or just waiting.]

1. You will get closer to God.

When you’re intentional about pursuing God before anyone else, the product is a deeper relationship with your Creator.

2. You will learn more about yourself.

If you get anything from being single, you will definitely have a better understanding of who you are and your limitation. One of the most important factors of a successful relationship with anyone is not crossing the boundaries that you’ve placed for yourself. Singleness could be an opportunity to learn what those things are for yourself.

3. You will learn how to give up control.

Control isn’t just a concept for Enneagram type eights; it’s a concept that we all struggle with from day to day. There’s something liberating about surrendering control to God. The truth about control is that it’s really just an illusion, and when we accept that, we can breathe knowing that it’s not all in our hands. That, my friend, is how freedom feels.

4. Your current friendships will blossom.

Singleness doesn’t have to mean that you’re lonely all of the time, rather, it could be seen as an opportunity for your friendships right now to improve. You have time to invest in your current relationships, and that investment will not return void.

5. You will learn what a God-centered relationship could like for you.

It might be weird for you to think about, but singleness could be just the opportunity you needed in order to see what a relationship needs to be successful. A necessary condition is self-reflection and honesty.

I know that right now, it’s hard to find the value of this season in which you find yourself living. We live a part of a generation that starves for love so much that it is willing to settle for anything that will taste like the very thing it is hungering after. You, my dear friend, are worth the wait. You are worth it—don’t find yourself settling for less than what He wants to give you. He sees you, He sees how much you want this, and He’s excited, I can tell how much He wants to bless you. He just asks that you be patient during the season where He has you because He has so much to teach you, and He wants you to be as happy as you can be here on Earth. He will give you the desires of your heart.

“He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the Earth.”

Psalm 46:10

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in Him.”

Jeremiah 17:7

Know that He is God, and He is a powerful God that wants to give us Good things.

“I heard Him telling me, ‘trust Me, and I will bless you,” Cassie explained to me. And oh, how He plans to bless her.

*Disclaimer* The point of this post wasn’t to say that being in a relationship is a bad call, but rather to explain the value of being single. There’s nothing wrong with being in a relationship that glorifies God and finding happiness in that way. However, being in a relationship isn’t everything, and you can still be learning and growing on your own.  

Categories: the for when's

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